My Second Conspiracy Theory

I got this one out on the airwaves on the Ed Schultz Show this afternoon.

Much has been made of the problems with verification of votes cast through the use of electronic voting machines made by Diebold, in particular.

The standard conspiracy theory focuses on the fact that Diebold’s CEO, Wally O’Dell, promised in a letter to Ohio Republicans to “deliver the votes” for a 2004 Bush-Cheney victory last year and that he and other company execs have contributed large sums of money to the campaign. So suspicions are high that Diebold and other companies providing electronic voting machines might rig the software to simply report more Republican votes than are actually cast. Simple enough.

Though there are
some jurisdictions that are backing away from the adoption of electronic voting because of these concerns
, I think that — unlike most of the plans this administration puts together — there might be a Plan B.

My guess is, if the count’s still in Kerry’s favor on the day after the election — vote-rigging or no — that the Bush people are going to claim that problems with the machines throw the results into doubt. Without a paper trail and the possibility for recount, the whole thing could end up in court. And we know how that turned out last time.

Fresh Off the Press

OGREMAR, Indiana (DP) — Citing a “vast weather conspiracy”, as evidenced by the dual attacks of thunderstorms and tornadoes and the release of “The Day After Tomorrow” on Memorial Day weekend, Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge today announced a “war on God”.

“There is no doubt that these storms were ‘Acts of God'”, Ridge said. “The Homeland Security Department has determined that God is determined to strike again in the U.S. — and possibly elsewhere in the world — most likely before the elections this fall. We intend to prevent those attacks wherever possible.” Ridge did not respond to repeated questions for specifics about Homeland Security’s anti-God plans, but did say that God is suspected to have operatives “all across this country, in virtually every city and town”.

When asked why Attorney General John Ashcroft wasn’t in attendance at the press briefing, and whether he concurred in the prosecution of a new conflict, Ridge said, “He got the memo”, then abruptly ended the meeting.